Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Terror of Deformaty

OK so I haven't kept up on this a whole lot, but I haven't had really much to say till recently and I wanted more info on what was going on before I said anything on here. I don't blog a whole lot cause I have to have heart in what I am writing for anything to really make any sense. But here goes. On ...

May 27th

We went for our ultrasound, you know the usual go in find out how baby is doing. Baby doing well nothing to worry about. And the optional... finding out the sex of the baby. Easy enough I was 19 weeks 4 days along. Baby would be well developed enough to know what it would be.

The tech. did exactly what she was trained to do and that was to make sure our growing baby was growing nice and healthy. Making sure there wasn't anything we as parents need to prepare for.

As she was doing the ultrasound Jeremy and I didn't really catch anything going on. Just that we were viewing our child. And with untrained eyes thought that our baby was fine and healthy and that well... we would definatly be receiving another baby boy to keep that family name going.

What we weren't expecting was for our tech to tell us that she would be back that she had to show the ultrasound pics to the Dr. on duty. It felt like a long time had passed between the tech leaving the room and the Dr. joining us in the room. During this time Jeremy and I discussed about the tech looking over our son's heart. So we started thinking that something could be wrong with his heart. We already had suspicion that there was something wrong, but to think it could be his heart was really scary.

Finally the Dr. came into the room after what I at least thought was forever. With her she had a medical book. She had asked us if we noticed anything with the ultrasound. We told her no cause with our untrained eyes we thought that some of the "blurs" were from him moving during the photos. Well at this time she had me lay back down and she attempted to show us during an ultrasound exam. This didn't work cause of our son being uncooperative. So the Dr. just used the pics that had already been taken to show us that that he has a facial deformity. A cleft lip and at this time weren't sure if it was affecting his pallet.

I was not prepared for this news at all. I mean who would be. No matter how mild or severe, all of us parents want the best for our children and to find out that there is something that is putting a speed bump in the road of that dream, well its heart breaking. I was however thankful that it was not his heart as we thought it was.

At first I was calm and collected but after we were shown pictures of how mild and severe the cleft could be, my heart just sunk bottom. The only thing I could think of at the time was how would I give him the same gift of breastfeeding that I gave my son Logan. I was utterly terrified of that being torn away from me. Not only torn from me but torn from him as well, it wouldn't be fair to him to not get the same nutrition his older brother had received and Mommy so desperately wants to give him.

It took Me some time to compose myself to leave. But I also left knowing that it could have been worse.

Luckily I have friends and family who are very supportive and assured me that it would be OK. One of which had a son born with a cleft Pallet. It's especially nice to know someone who has gone through something similar to what my son will be going though. Especially since her Lil boy is doing awesome even though born with a cleft pallet. She assured me that this is something that can be fixed and would be almost like it never happened.

Even with this support though it took some time to grasp. It's still not easy to think about and don't think it ever will be. But all we can do is take it one day and step at a time. But what gets me through this the most... is a phrase my Great Grandmother lived and taught by.

This too... Shall pass.

~Evelyn Mae Shonk~

It is now ...

June 15th

And after a rough start at locating the place we get in get paperwork filled out and off to have our " follow up" Ultrasound with the P.P.A. ( Phoenix Perinatal Associates) .

This appt was set up to further evaluate the severity of the cleft, seeing if it was affecting anything else other then his lip.

The tech first started out by evaluating his body and limbs and organs making sure everything was going as supposed to in those areas. That might be more noticeable now that I am 22 wks and 2 days along. This evaluation just confirmed that there wasn't anything going on with the rest of his body. Now onto getting the stubborn boy to cooperate and allow the tech to evaluate to see how severe his cleft is so that we can take the proper steps forward for after he is born.

Well finally after some work by the tech and her having me lay on my side facing her we finally, finally got him to cooperate and get some good shots in. These shots that were taken shows that his pallet is fully intact with his teeth buds showing and that its not affecting his nasal passage at all.

This news is great. The Dr from the PPA then came in spoke with the tech and then was able to then talk to us.

She does want us to speak with a Neonatologist so that we can get answers to our questions that they as an ultrasound clinic aren't equipped to answer.

However she was able to let us know that there is still a good chance at nursing even if I need a special cup to help him suction with the split in his lip at least till its repaired.

So even though we still have stuff to go through here in the future it is good to know that It could be a lot worse. And that we can go onto the next step in getting him ready for his surgery post birth.

Well I'm off for now I will be posting his pics from today at a later date due to their CD burner being offline. So once I get it in the mail pics will be posted