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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Logan's First time with Water-wings

Today, my sister Amber came out from Peoria for a visit and we decided to go down to the pool for a swim. I have tried Logan in the full ring floaties with no luck, just kicks, screams, and him just flat out wanting to climb out of it. So today, also being his 17 month bday, I decided to take his water-wings that we had gotten from Tonna's ( My adopted mom) neighbor down to the pool with us and try those on him to see how he liked them.

At first he was fine putting them on, then he realized what was happening so I then ended up having to have Amber help me get them on him. I had to have her hold his arms out like a t shape so that I could blow them up. I did the back side she did the front.
Once they were on it was just getting him into and used to the water. And he was not having that at all, there for a while.

Chris, my soon to be brother in law, took him for a few so that I could get used to the water. At first Logan was uneasy about me letting go of him. Then he saw and wanted to get to the wall and was fine. The best part was when a set of cute 2year old twins came to the pool, Logan totally didnt even realize no one was holding him and was set on them and getting to Mommy.

Below is what should be a movie, first time I've uploaded to blogspot from Picasa 3 so not sure if it will come out as a video or not but i hope so. If not its still a great pic of him by himself


Posted by Picasa
video

Monday, June 28, 2010

The Home-front

Things on the home-front have been smooth sailing for a couple weeks. Its been such a nice break from all the DRAMA that was headed our way constantly. I don't feel so tired like I was when we had all the DRAMA. Most likely cause drama causes stress and stress causes sleepless nights and just plain makes ya tired even with sleep.
Logan is back to his own room and after a couple nights of little hassle he now know it as his play area and his safe haven for rest. He even stays quiet sometimes just so we let him be in there after his naps. He lets us know when he is ready for us to get him.
Him back in his own room only means one thing. Were back in our own room too. And have been sleeping like babies since we got it back. Which is probably another good reason why I'm not as exhausted even if only going on a few hours of sleep.
Back to Logan. We now have all 4 of his K-9 teeth in view. So the worst of the teething seems to be done for now. Now we just wait for them to finish coming down / up. After that we should be done teething for a few months to a year unless he gets his 2 year molars early.


As for our apartment, things are going better. Laundry is much easier to keep up on and get put away. Cause I don't have to worry about getting it all put away while Logan is awake. I can get it done and folded and depending on if he is asleep or not depends on if his clothes are put away first or last. If he is asleep I can get the majority of the laundry folded and put away then all I have to worry about is Logan's which isn't very much and doesn't take that long.

With the good changes in when chores are done I have more time to spend with my family. Cause I can get chores done while Logan is asleep and have the time that he is awake to play and spend time with him and Jeremy. Which always makes for a happier Mommy/Wifey

Gabriel and I have our Dr appt. on Tuesday morning at 10 am. I can never wait to hear his heart beat. Its soo exciting every time I hear it. I get my monthly weigh in and every thing is checked out. I cannot remember when it is that I start going bi weekly to the appts but with less then 4 months left I know its going to be soon. Luckily I have a day off that I always have off so that I dont have to guess as to when I can get in for my appts.
In 4 weeks I go in for my Rhogam shot. For those that dont know what that is... I have what is called -RH blood factor and It basically makes it where my body will attack the baby. This is were the Rhogam shot comes in. It basically tells my body that its OK not to be alarmed. I get this shot 2x once at 28 weeks then again after the baby's birth.


For a better explanation go to this site It will tell you what you would like to know,

http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,4429,00.html

Well as for now I am off its late and my boys will have me up early LUKILY tomorrow is MY FRIDAY!!!!

Monday, June 21, 2010

sometimes goodbye is a second chance

What I feel about not necessarily my parents like it says in the song and not even about certain in-laws. This is geared towards all the DRAMA that shouldn't have even been started. f

My eyes are open wide
And by the way, I made it
Through the day
I watched the world outside
By the way, I'm leaving out Today

I just saw Hayley's comet,
shoo-ting
Said ,"Why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"


[Chorus]
Tell my mother,
Tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

Please don't cry
One tear for me
I'm not afraid of
What I have to say
This is my one and
Only voice
So listen close, it's
Only for today

I just saw Hayley's comet, shoo-ting
Said ,"Why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"


[Chorus]
Tell my mother,
Tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

Heres my chance
This is my chance

Tell my mother,
Tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance [x2]

Second Chance by shinedown

Sunday, June 20, 2010

A Very Happy Fathers Day.

Today was a great day for me. I was able to request today off to spend with my Wonderful husband and my son, on father's day.

We started out by going to the park before it got hot went from about 7-8 am. It was such a beautiful morning I didn't want to leave. We played on the slide and the little bouncy toys and walked around in the grass. Then the sprinklers came on. Yep! You guessed it! Dad showed them to Logan. Yep! You guessed it right again. Logan tromped his way through the sand to get to them. He was hesitant and wouldn't let them get him at first. Then a little bit later Logan was walking away from them and well, the back of him got totally soaked. At first he cried. Then he gave one of them really cute little shiver shake and started laughing. We then sat under the gazebo. Talking and enjoying the nice breeze that came through.

Dad started getting a little tired and wanted to go home. Logan decided then, that he wasn't done playing. So since Dad was the one that wanted to leave. Dad got to get him and bring him to the car. I was waiting in the car already getting it cooled down. You could tell he did not want to leave. He was fighting the over daddy shoulder method. It was funny to watch cause Jeremy was kinda laughing at Logan's behavior. But I can't blame the kid for not wanting to leave the park since we live in an apartment that lacks a-lot of room for him to really run.

On our way home we could tell Logan was tired and I definatly was after only getting 3 1/2 hours sleep. Seeings how Logan and Dad was up at 5:30, so that's when they got me up. So the next thing on our list was to go home and have our naps. Before that we had to go to the market for some bell peppers for the Daddy dinner we were making for Jeremy and His Brother Andrew.

We came home and laid Logan down. Then we had ourselves a nap. we all had a good 3 hour nap. Unusual for Jeremy, man it was nice to nap with my honey cuddling with me.

After our nap we got started on making the marinade for our chicken, Pineapple chicken! We made it with 1 whole pineapple minus the center that Logan so happily chomped on till he decided he was done. It also had Soy sauce and Brown sugar, We added our own touch by adding honey to it as well.

1 whole pineapple... juiced
1/2 c. Brown sugar ...packed
1/3 cup soy sauce
Honey... to liking.

Mix with wisk till fully blended. Pour over chicken and let marinade till ready to cook. Ours was done on low in a wok with a lid on it.

I think that the same recipe would work well for a gravy.

We had dinner at my brother and sister in law Andrew and Kim's. Kim made a Butterfinger cheesecake. Though the flavor was Scrumptious, the texture ended up more like a mix between a custard and cheesecake.

The night was good. The boys got to spend well needed brother time. And also got some issues talked out from previous drama that has recently occurred. And us Girls talked played with the kids and got some photos finished edited so that I could get my mothers day disk. I also got some time in with my Nieces that I'm supposedly not supposed to see. (Mother in law doesn't want me to cause she cant see Logan) But as Kim and I see it they are KIM's kids and if she wants someone to be able to see them that is her right no one elses. ( Except Andrew)

I am so Happy that there wasn't any Drama to Ruin Fathers day for the two guys. I'm sure Kim would agree that It is a relief to go a day without drama spoiling it.

Well thats all on this subject.

P.S. I know you'll read this, Happy Fathers Day Daddy and Dennis I love you both equally as MY DADS. The luckiest girls get more then one Man that wants them to be their Dad and I'm one of them.

Friday, June 18, 2010

More sister in Law Drama 6-17

So Im sure some of this message is already up in another blog but since 16 days later she decides to bring it up again I figured for easy reading for everyone I would just copy and past the whole thing.

Between You and Brittany Bureau
Brittany Bureau May 28 at 6:52pm
so why is it that i cant see the baby pictures? i saw some of them that jeremy showed me at your apt but i dont understand why your wall and those pictures are blocked from me.
Stephanie Bureau May 28 at 10:48pm
I blocked you back when we were having all the issues of the slightest thing i said on here you would tell jeremy. And I was tired of him only getting partial information from you like the missy bday situation. I ended up reading him the whole thing when I had asked him if you told him everything that was said and he said no. After that it seemed like no matter what I said you were telling him like i was trying to start something when I was just flat out frustrated and no one seemed to be understanding or even cared what I was saying. So i figured i would stop it right there. Cause I was tired of getting ridiculed by him for things that were said and taken out of context. I shouldnt have to be afraid of what i say when im saying how i feel
Stephanie Bureau May 28 at 10:53pm
P.s. I did unblock you. I was just very upset at that time.
Stephanie Bureau June 1 at 4:03am
Well Jeremy told me some of what was going on in the messages that were sent between you and him. You may have thought that what was said about the key was rude. that is your own opinion. But coming into someones home that they are allowing you to stay in cause you needed a place to stay and not helping out unless you were speciffically asked was rude too. We had a few group discussions and only towards the end after things started getting bad was when you guys started cleaning off your dishes and after your meal. But you both used the bathroom as much as we did and still had to be spefically asked to help clean it. Im sorry but with paul not having a job he could have helped keep the kitchen and bathroom cleaner then what they were. I came home every nighe after work and cleaned up the dishes to make sure that the roach problem didnt worsen because of food and stuff left on the counters and floors attracting them. So how about that for rude. We had no Problems taking you guys shopping and picking out things you guys liked and we shared what we liked with you guys, but when it came to you guys buying anything if it didnt have to be refrigerated it was kept in your room. or if it was in the kitchen we were either told it was yours or we just left it alone cause we didnt want you guys yelling at us for eating your food. How about that for double standards Like I said Jeremy and I had NO PROBLEMS helping you two out but it didnt and still doesnt seem like you were verry appreciative of the help we gave you two. And Im sorry that you think that im such a horrible person for flat out letting you guys know how i felt about things. Or how i let you guys know something needed to be cleaned up. You guys are grown adults and shouldnt have even been asked to clean up after your own messes. I dont sugar coat things and I have told you that in the past.

And Im sorry that you think me wanting drama to stay out of my page is such a horrible reason for blocking people from my page and makes me "childish and immature". I have flat out written that on my myspace blog and it states it on my facebook wall. I told you the reason why you were blocked and when you had been blocked so for you to assume that you were blocked from my children was wrong thinking on your part. And it wasnt two days ago from the 31st you wrote me on the 28th about it and I unblocked you the same day you asked me about it so that you could see the pictures.

I never had a problem with you as a person. I just wished you had a little more common curtesy to help more around the house especially before you were pregnant. I understand that you have not had the best luck for your pregnancy so far and did not take that against you in the least, but paul could have helped out more esp when you started not to feel good. And the fact that he was not working.

Another thing that irritated me was your lack of communication with rent. You always waited till last minute to tell us have paul tell us or I didnt hear anything at all and just waited till jeremy handed it to me and told me it was from you for rent. That made it difficult to budget what we had to spend for house hold items and when fs was lowered made it hard to budget money for groceries.

I really hope that things do look up for you so that you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. I hope that Trystan is doing well.

I just hope we can work through the issues and at least be able to talk when in the same room even if you never consider me to be a friend. That is fine. But if we can at least be respectful of each other and how each other feels that would be nice. You guys are more then welcome to come over to visit anytime as long as there is some notice in case we have plans. I never intended to make you mad at me for anything or to piss you off. And about the wedge in the family. Until recently I always encouraged jeremy to go visit you guyses mom when he was feuding with her. And you can ask jeremy that yourself and he will tell you. He made the choice to keep logan from your mom because of being tired of the drama that she creates not me. You were not here when he made that phone call to her.


But that is all I have to say. If anything offends you then im sorry but that is how I feel and how I felt at the time that certain situations was going on. Take it as you please. And jeremy is always more then welcome to know anything that I say to any one. If he asks me about it I tell him the truth even if I have to read him what i write word for word. I hide nothing from him.
Brittany Bureau June 17 at 11:55am
well, let me just start out by saying there is a difference between expressing yourself and being a bitch. what i said to jeremy was between jeremy and i, and frankly was none of your business. i dont appreciate the fact that i told him i was done with you and you send me this long and very rude message. you throw in phrases like "so how about that for rude" and "how about that for a double standard" which are just provacative and honestly quite bitchy sounding. i understand your need to "express yourself" but at least learn the proper way to do so. now, ive kept my mouth shut with things i have wanted to say to you because i had a feeling id snap at you, and out of respect for jeremy. apparently though, being his sister and family means nothing to you because youve continually talked like this to me and my family. im tired of hearing excuses about how "she doesnt realize she's doing it" and "im just blunt," no youre just rude. there are many blunt people i know that still can talk to someone without sounding the way you do. like i said before, there are ways of expressing yourself and saying how you feel without being disrespectful.

Yes, i agree i could have helped more, but after i helped you clean the entire house and jeremy just sat there i was annoyed. then when you cleaned it again you once again allowed him to just sit on his computer but you complained about me not helping. before we moved in you constantly complained about jeremy and then after you complained about us. we did pick up the living room and bathroom. i did a few times when i first moved in but i stopped because you guys would let logan trash it and not pick it up. paulie did the same thing with the bathroom. he cleaned it and you guys, the very next day, had your dirty clothes all over the bathroom. and im sorry but there were many times when you were unemployed that you didnt clean up. i was there. jeremy and you fought about it cause he didnt understand why you didnt pick up. but paulie, on the other hand, did pick up after us. he isnt your guys maid though and you shouldnt expect him to pick up after everyone. and we didnt get mad when you asked us to pick up, it was HOW you asked. you werent "blunt" you were rude.

dont even mention me yelling about the food. you are the last one to talk stephanie. ive personally heard you yell about your food being gone; cereal, graham crackers, granola bars, etc. i mean you went as far as to not buy foods like cake or whaever because you didnt get enough of them. and about the wic stuff. wow. to quote you "i could be a real bitch and not let anyone eat this stuff because technically its all supposed to be for me." you guys never even bothered to ask me about the wic stuff, you went to paulie and said it should be for everyone and i didnt say anything about it. i figured it would be for everyone.

you didnt even tell jeremy what you were saying to his family. he had no idea that aunt missy was even mad. im sorry i thought he deserved to know why everyone didnt want him around. maybe i didnt tell him the whole thing, i just told him what the person was mad about. but no matter how much i was annoyed or irritated with you, i never went and blocked you. you know, if you didnt say things like you do there would be no need to hide your page from people. and its not wrong thinking for me to assume you would block me from the baby's pictures seeing as how that was the only album blocked. i could see all the pictures but those of him. so if you blocked me so long ago why would those be included?

as far as talking to you about rent, i talked to jeremy. why would i talk to you? you were bitchy and rude because you didnt want us there. and everyone knew it. we knew it by the way you talked to us and the looks you gave. and i know youre going to try and say you didnt but you did. and it doesnt matter who talks to you about it as long as someone does, whether i talk to jeremy or paulie talks to you. and im sorry but you guys lectured me on buying a five dollar pizza when we were complaining about money but you guys started complaining and then i dont know how many times i saw fast food wrappers and bags and all the makeup and just crap you would buy from work. i know you get a discount but still, if youre really hurting you wouldnt be doing that. it was really hard when there was no food in the house and you guys would go get fast food instead of going to the store, leaving us nothing to eat.

like im to the point now where i dont want to be around jeremy. i cant talk to him without getting some rude offensive message from you? oh and i heard what you told kim about us. how we left you a huge mess and you didnt know how we could live in there. THERE WERE ROACHES ALL OVER THE APT. IVE SEEN YOU SLEEPING ON THE COUCH AND HAVE ROACHES CRAWL ACROSS YOU! YOUR OWN MOM DOESNT LIKE YOU COMING OVER CAUSE YOU LEAVE A MESS.
Brittany Bureau June 17 at 12:07pm
we told you guys we would come back to clean it, yeah we didnt do it the next day but we were going to. and you complained about the roaches to people before we even got there. you guys would have messes all over too so thats very unfair for you to say that about us. we moved out isnt that enough for you? just stop talking about us already. its like you want there to be no drama and yet saying that is obviously going to start it. that was none of anyone's business. period.

i love logan and jeremy and i will love my nephew as well but i cant take the way you talk to me or my family. you say everyone needs to respect your opinion, well be respectful when you speak and they just might. and i also heard about the "joke" you made about andrew's middle name. thats not funny. its not something you joke about. george loves andrew and gave him that name. you should have asked andrew or talked to him about it before deciding on giving him that name anyway. im sure andrew would have been excited. its these hurtful comments that you make that i cant stand. there are things you say and dont say, and things you joke about and dont. yes, this message sounds bitchy. but i just dont know how else to say this because yours was so rude and im just beyond frustrated.

im not going to delete you from my page cause i still would like to see pictures of logan and gabriel. however, i dont appreciate you acting like nothing happened and like you dont talk behind my back. what you said to kim was it for me. we left and you kept talking. im done now. i dont want a long message back, i dont even want a reply. i hope everything goes well for gabriel, im glad to hear it wasnt a major cleft issue.

And Really. I didn't reply to this message cause its useless but yet. I seem to still be doing something to make her mad. Hence this status that she put up and a mouthy comment from her mother.

Brittany Bureau just stop.
June 18 at 9:04 pm

Angel Smith Like she will do that after all none of this is her fault remember
June 18 at 9:15 pm

Then Saturday June 18th

Brittany Bureau You know, people are always gonna talk. All you can do is smile and enjoy life with good friends and family :]
June 19 at 4:54 pm

It's funny how she post's these cause if I were to say the same exact things as her. I would then be ridiculed for it. Wow! Oh well

She can keep her double standards to herself. Cause I feel that if I have something to say I have just as much right to say it as she does. GOOD BYE DRAMA QUEEN
June 18 at 9:04 pm



Why Why Why

Why does one situation with one family member end up starting something completely different not even having to do with me other then im the wife of who made the decision?

I hate how I'm always the blame for ALL of their family problems. I believe that if it was someone else married to the man that I am married to. Similar situations would still come up. I think this cause My brother in law's wife is going through DRAMA just as I am. And somehow It seems to be the ones that are Married into the fam that gets the BRUNT of everything, and that everyone else is just the oh so sweet, perfect, do no wrong people. But when you sit there and talk about problems that aren't yours and it starts drama then I'm sorry your not so perfect, sweet, and are doing wrong. This was all restarted back up by a status comment stating, word for word

The Other Person you know for months I defended you and was so close to getting things worked out then in 1 sec you opened your mouth to Andrew and blew it all. Sorry honey until you grow up and put your husband and kids first I can't help. :(

Which then in turn started a Email conversation with this person. This is what was said by that person and Myself:

Between The Other Person and You
Stephanie Bureau June 18 at 8:32am
That situation with Andrew was already cleared up and resolved with him and Kim so i don't know why its being dragged on?
The Other Person June 18 at 8:53am
Honey what you said was very mean and hurtful to more then just one we are family. And it hurt him a lot. :(
Stephanie Bureau June 18 at 8:59am
I still apologize and even admitted that what i said was mean. I wasn't meaning for it to be. Like i said I apologized and worked it out. That should be the end of it. It only causes more problems to keep dragging things on. There is nothing else I can do accept apologize. I am not one to hand out apologies on a whim I have to really have regretted what I said/ did to apologize that is how I was taught. That apologizing when you don't really mean it is like lying. And I'm not going to lie.
The Other Person June 18 at 9:40am
I don't know what to tell you. You need to find a way to make amends with Angel
Stephanie Bureau June 18 at 9:41am
How does Angel have anything to do with what was said about Andrew.
The Other Person June 18 at 9:51am
You hurt her son. And even though they are grown she is there mom. That will never change. That love will never change.
Stephanie Bureau June 18 at 9:52am
I know that but I still apologized to him about it that should be all
The Other Person June 18 at 9:58am
Honey how would you feel if you were in her place because with boys you will be. She is Jeremy's mom
Stephanie Bureau June 18 at 10:02am
As long as the person who did something like that apologized and worked it out with him I would be fine. I'm not one to hold grudges. It would be different if it was physical harm or something more major
The Other Person June 18 at 10:20am
Maybe you just don't understand. Logan is 20 years old and his wife insults you and Logan blows you off to make his wife happy. Telling you that you need stay out of your sons life. How do you think you are going to feel. Then his wife insults your other sons feelings
Stephanie Bureau June 18 at 10:23am
There is a lot more to it then that. And we both were tired of the Drama that was no one else business that was being said about our finances. I don't even know all of it for that. Part cause it was him talking to his mom on the phone I just heard bits and pieces. That was Jeremy's decision and needs left at that.
Stephanie Bureau June 18 at 10:26am
Now I am done talking about it. When Jeremy feels it right to talk to her about it he will. He is an adult and will make his own decisions based on the situation and needs of his family.
The Other Person June 18 at 10:34am
You just don't get it honey. All that crap is just crap. Jeremy needs his family and sooner or later if you don't make amends with angel he will blame you

The Other Person June 18 at 10:35am
We are his FAMILY.

OEY VEY

So back a week or so I was up kinda late chatting with someone about baby names for our new arrival. It was said that that person has claim to a certain name if he happens to ever produce a boy. Well at that time I was real tired and not thinking straight and had said something that ended up sounding mean.

Well then my hubby got a phone call/ voicemail message reguarding it from his Mom. Everyone knows that is never good. So once I found out what it was about, I went back through some old I.M.'s to see what I had exactly said. I then contacted the person I was talking to and got everything straighted out and cleared up, so I thought.

I guess not everyone thinks it should be that easy or that the issue can be resolved WITHOUT getting the WHOLE FAMILY involved. First it was the persons sister bitching me out for it saying that I should have ASKED or TALKED to him about it before choosing a name for MY CHILD, just cause is so happens to be a name given to him as a passing down from "father" to "son"

Then today I received a message from another member of the family stating "

you know for months I defended you and was so close to getting things worked out then in 1 sec you opened your mouth to Andrew and blew it all. Sorry honey until you grow up and put your husband and kids first I can't help. :(" OK now, really is all this really necessary, I guess in their eyes it.

I guess I was just taught differently in the aspect that you don't involve others in aiding in resolving your problems. That going to the source of what is causing it and fixing the issue right from there will resolve things much faster without all the excess drama. Well not in this case. Cause they don't see it that way. It is so irritating and stressful to have situations just getting dragged on. Especially when the people bringing it up constantly weren't even involved in the first place.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

5 Day Notice...

So today I was getting ready to head home after dropping my niece Kayla off at home. And I call Jeremy since he had called while I was at the store and I missed his call. We discussed him working out and then he got this frustration in his voice and had told me that we received a notice on our door for clutter and uncleanliness. We have no idea where this would have come from other then from the Terminex guy that came in to spray our apt. Cause he had told Jeremy that the floor in our room was too cluttered if we could clean it up so he could spray. This "clutter" was laundry on the floor that I was getting sorted out to do later that night once the peak hours were over for electric.

So now I have to go to the office in the morning and figure out what the heck they are talking about us being cluttered and uncleanly. Cause we make sure that our dishes are done on a nightly basis, provided we have enough to run the dishwasher, even then the food is at least rinsed off. The only other thing I can think of is our furniture. But my family should not suffer from not having a place to sit and not having a place to set our belongings just cause the apt. is small. So basically until tomorrow my mind is not going to be at ease, and I'm just going to be irritated as to what these stupid "managers" are talking about.

I don't even see how it is even any of any ones business as to how "cluttered" someones home is as long as it isn't a mess with food all over the place. Cause ''clutter'' does not cause bugs. Dirty homes do.

well I have nothing else to say my ranting is done at least till we find out what they say at the office tomorrow. Then we will have till the 21st to get what they want done or our lease will be terminated. So guess not much rest for me this week cause running round with my 16 month old. before work Cleaning up before work more cleaning after work yep. That calls for not much rest at all. Just love how these people think that everyone has the time to keep every last little item in its place.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Terror of Deformaty

OK so I haven't kept up on this a whole lot, but I haven't had really much to say till recently and I wanted more info on what was going on before I said anything on here. I don't blog a whole lot cause I have to have heart in what I am writing for anything to really make any sense. But here goes. On ...

May 27th


We went for our ultrasound, you know the usual go in find out how baby is doing. Baby doing well nothing to worry about. And the optional... finding out the sex of the baby. Easy enough I was 19 weeks 4 days along. Baby would be well developed enough to know what it would be.

The tech. did exactly what she was trained to do and that was to make sure our growing baby was growing nice and healthy. Making sure there wasn't anything we as parents need to prepare for.

As she was doing the ultrasound Jeremy and I didn't really catch anything going on. Just that we were viewing our child. And with untrained eyes thought that our baby was fine and healthy and that well... we would definatly be receiving another baby boy to keep that family name going.

What we weren't expecting was for our tech to tell us that she would be back that she had to show the ultrasound pics to the Dr. on duty. It felt like a long time had passed between the tech leaving the room and the Dr. joining us in the room. During this time Jeremy and I discussed about the tech looking over our son's heart. So we started thinking that something could be wrong with his heart. We already had suspicion that there was something wrong, but to think it could be his heart was really scary.

Finally the Dr. came into the room after what I at least thought was forever. With her she had a medical book. She had asked us if we noticed anything with the ultrasound. We told her no cause with our untrained eyes we thought that some of the "blurs" were from him moving during the photos. Well at this time she had me lay back down and she attempted to show us during an ultrasound exam. This didn't work cause of our son being uncooperative. So the Dr. just used the pics that had already been taken to show us that that he has a facial deformity. A cleft lip and at this time weren't sure if it was affecting his pallet.

I was not prepared for this news at all. I mean who would be. No matter how mild or severe, all of us parents want the best for our children and to find out that there is something that is putting a speed bump in the road of that dream, well its heart breaking. I was however thankful that it was not his heart as we thought it was.

At first I was calm and collected but after we were shown pictures of how mild and severe the cleft could be, my heart just sunk bottom. The only thing I could think of at the time was how would I give him the same gift of breastfeeding that I gave my son Logan. I was utterly terrified of that being torn away from me. Not only torn from me but torn from him as well, it wouldn't be fair to him to not get the same nutrition his older brother had received and Mommy so desperately wants to give him.

It took Me some time to compose myself to leave. But I also left knowing that it could have been worse.

Luckily I have friends and family who are very supportive and assured me that it would be OK. One of which had a son born with a cleft Pallet. It's especially nice to know someone who has gone through something similar to what my son will be going though. Especially since her Lil boy is doing awesome even though born with a cleft pallet. She assured me that this is something that can be fixed and would be almost like it never happened.

Even with this support though it took some time to grasp. It's still not easy to think about and don't think it ever will be. But all we can do is take it one day and step at a time. But what gets me through this the most... is a phrase my Great Grandmother lived and taught by.

This too... Shall pass.

~Evelyn Mae Shonk~


It is now ...

June 15th

And after a rough start at locating the place we get in get paperwork filled out and off to have our " follow up" Ultrasound with the P.P.A. ( Phoenix Perinatal Associates) .

This appt was set up to further evaluate the severity of the cleft, seeing if it was affecting anything else other then his lip.

The tech first started out by evaluating his body and limbs and organs making sure everything was going as supposed to in those areas. That might be more noticeable now that I am 22 wks and 2 days along. This evaluation just confirmed that there wasn't anything going on with the rest of his body. Now onto getting the stubborn boy to cooperate and allow the tech to evaluate to see how severe his cleft is so that we can take the proper steps forward for after he is born.

Well finally after some work by the tech and her having me lay on my side facing her we finally, finally got him to cooperate and get some good shots in. These shots that were taken shows that his pallet is fully intact with his teeth buds showing and that its not affecting his nasal passage at all.

This news is great. The Dr from the PPA then came in spoke with the tech and then was able to then talk to us.

She does want us to speak with a Neonatologist so that we can get answers to our questions that they as an ultrasound clinic aren't equipped to answer.

However she was able to let us know that there is still a good chance at nursing even if I need a special cup to help him suction with the split in his lip at least till its repaired.

So even though we still have stuff to go through here in the future it is good to know that It could be a lot worse. And that we can go onto the next step in getting him ready for his surgery post birth.

Well I'm off for now I will be posting his pics from today at a later date due to their CD burner being offline. So once I get it in the mail pics will be posted